Jan 25 ,2010

For those suffering loss through miscarriage

Last night a came across a website that had pretty good information. I had a few questions about D&C recovery and conceiving again this site is very informative and helpful.

www.pregnancyloss.info

Update

The days have been lonely lately. My main source of comfort has been Psalm 25. The whole Psalm is very applicable. A verse that stood out to me for the first time is verse 14, "The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant." another translation translates friendship with secret counsel. The Lord is close. What an encouragement, though I wish it were so much more tangible in that I could see Him and talk to him face to face. How I long for that day!

I still hurt, but it is not as dominant. I still have questions, I think I always will. Even more I still trust and believe in the Lord and His plans for me.

I have to say that I was a bit discouraged by some things I read about dealing with anger towards God. I hope to gather my thoughts and read more to process this and write more later. I write out all of the questions I have and ask them honestly to God. I know that he knows even more than I do what is going on in my heart. Jesus questioned God when He was in his deepest agony. I don't think we should feel shame for cry out to Him, "WHY?". Afterall, He knows and understands and has compassion on those He loves.

A bit of relief

Today was a lighter day, and such a relief. Tomorrow I go to the doctor. I'm nervous and hope that everything is healing and I can conceive again.

Still hurting and sad, but glad to be able to enjoy my son and husband today.

Praying for God to continue to sustain me.

Goodness Grief

I've not been good with dealing with things as they happen in my past. Early on I learned to bottle things up and move on. They eventually come out in crooked ways. I've been to counseling to sort through years of build up deep within.

With all that said, how do I now live? I feel deeply grief and loss of our current situation. Hopefully this will work itself out in a healthy way within me.

I am wondering where the phrase "Goodness Grief" comes from. Surprisingly, I could not find it's origination online. (I thought the world wide web could tell me anything). If you know, please, do tell. I know that there is good that comes out of grief. I don't yet know what that good is right now.

Today was a very rough day. I felt and feel angry and teased by God. I don't know why he made everything look so perfect only to take some of it away. I have so many questions that run through my heart and cry out to Him for healing and help. Ultimately I trust Him, but my heart still asks and longs for answers.

I know this is a step in the process. By that, I am encouraged. I feel a strengthening at work within me, if that makes any sense. May God line my heart up with the rhythm of His.