Share Your Pain  

by Katie Marie

Grieve your loss, let the tears flow.
An ache within you, that no one else knows.
No apologies needed, from your mother heart.
This babe was a part of you, from the very start.

Though daylight unseen, your child had life.
Tis the sorrow of death that cuts like a knife.
Honor this babe, do not leave without name
Acknowledge the love to which they have claim.

Childhood dreams you never got to see.
Gather your friends, "Come weep with me."
Share your pain, words of anger too,
With willing hearts that will grieve with you.

Begin the healing, it will take some time,
From this pit of loss is an up hill climb.
No need to forget what might have been,
But look to the future...

and start again.

Our Healer

Psalm 147 1-6

1 Praise the Lord!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant,  and a song of praise is fitting.
2 The Lord builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
6 The Lord lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground.

This passage stood out to me today.  It is awesome that the Lord, who numbers and names the stars, cares enough for us that he binds up our wounds and heals our broken hearts.

A twist to "I Plead the Fifth"

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant,  being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." Philippians 2: 1-8

Often we have heard people say, "I plead the Fifth,"  when they wanted to remain silent about something to preserve innocence.  Lately I have been telling my flesh, "I plead Philippians 2."  Now before you start to think more highly of me than you really should let me try to explain.

This week I have been confronted with some of my selfish, sinful tendencies.  I won't divulge the details (which may be a little confusing), but basically I had been putting myself before others, setting unhealthy expectations and demands without really thinking about their needs before my own.  I prayed and struggled a lot with God about looking to Him first for my needs to be met.  I also realized that I didn't have a Christ-like attitude that considered others better than myself.  I'm not saying that friends cannot be a help, but that they shouldn't be my main source of help, for it is actually God at work through them.  My friends have been a God-send to carry me through all of this pain as God works through His Body. 

To carry me through this struggle, I claimed Philippians 2 over my flesh. It says that we are to have the same mind of Christ and that His mind is actually ours if we are in Christ (see emphasis).  So anytime that I would think thoughts that were selfish and not seeking others' interests over my own, I would confront those thoughts with, "I plead Philippians 2."  I would remember that it is not about me, I'm not the only important one, Christ laid down His life, I can lay down mine too.  This has helped me in my battle this week.  God's Word is truly living and active.  It is a powerful weapon for us to use in our battle against sin.  I thank God for His power at work in my heart.  Even more than "I plead the Fifth," gives you the power to be silent, "I plead Philippians 2" has given me the power to silence sinful thoughts of the flesh.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

One Month

Today marks one month since I found out we lost the baby.  In the book "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" I  found that what I experience on certain days makes sense... 

For instance, it was a Monday.  Every Monday has been devastating so far.  I wake up with what seems like a terrible hangover and the day seems like it will not end.  Today I woke up with that same physical feeling.  It is one of those days I'd rather just stay in bed.

I am still hopeful as all of this is taking place.  I know that God is making me who He has created me to be.

" Who is the man who fears the LORD? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.  His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land.  The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.  My eyes are ever toward the LORD, for he will pluck my feet out of the net.  Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses." Psalm 25: 12-17

Progress

We all know the saying, "No Pain, No Gain."  I have always known this to relate to sports and training, but turns out it relates to other areas of life as well.  Everything that I have read or heard in dealing with grief has encouraged me to feel freely what I feel.  Let the hurt come and be resolved.  Just as muscles are sore with intense physical training, the heart is sore with emotional and spiritual  work through grief.  Just as an athlete becomes stronger through and past the pain.  Faith and the heart will be stronger through and past the pain.

I am reading, "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah L. Davis.  It has helped a lot.  It really doesn't make me feel any better (to bad, huh), but it does give me situations and people to identify with.  Also, when I am feeling a certain way, whether it be sad, angry, despair, crazy, I know that it is normal and I try to let the emotion run it's course.

I think one of the biggest things I am learning from the book and from those I've talked with who have experienced miscarriage is that the sadness never goes away.  In all that I've ever gone through, I have always run from the pain and just wanted to feel better.  I am starting to understand to let the pain be what it is. But, I've heard the pain does get smaller, like a small sliver here and there, just as intense, but less frequent.

In addition, I am learning that while grieving it is also okay to be happy.  I don't want to get so down in the dumps that when the happy times come, I deny them.  It is important to experience the lighter times and they are a great relief from the pain when they come.

I'm thankful for the book and other resources, but mostly I'm thankful for my friends. For the ones who have been where I am and have shared the hope they know. And for the ones who have not been in this specific spot, but know pain and share love to support me during this time.

Thanks to those of you who follow all of this.  The burden feels lighter as many of you encourage me through it all. I know that it is tough stuff recently.  In spite of all that I am posting and feeling, I do know there is progress.  It is very encouraging to know that this is all going somewhere.

 I hope that these posts and art can be used in some way to encourage others who are experiencing or have experienced similar suffering.

^"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8 

^"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." 1 Cor 9:24