Home

Home.  Many things come to mind when I think about "home".  One thing I think about is where I am from.   I take great pride in being from the South.  Though I'm no southern belle, I identify with so many things and feel at home when in the South.  "Southern hospitality"  I didn't know what it was until I lived in a place that it didn't exist.  Back home, you drop in anytime to friends, family, church members, cousins twice removed from church members and most of the time you are invited in for a sweet tea and maybe even asked to stay for a meal.  People that aren't from the South look at you funny if you even ask for a glass of sweet tea. 

I also take great pride in New Orleans and call it home.  No other place celebrates life like New Orleans.  I'm not talking about partying and going to bourbon (that's mostly tourists).  New Orleans revolves around being together and celebrating every holiday, from Mardi Gras to birthdays.  If there  is even one reason to get together, from Saints games to city parades to graduations, a feast is prepared.  I could write a book about all of the reasons I love New Orleans.  Not only do they know and practice "southern hospitality", the food and music add so much to life and celebration there.

Home currently is South Florida and I couldn't call it home until I developed a few deep friendships here.  I remember clearly when this transformation took place.  As I drove back to Florida from New Orleans, I actually looked forward to returning home.  It took a few years for me to be able to call this place home, but now I do because of the depth of relationships that have developed.

If asked where I am from, I may name any of these places and tell you about reasons you should visit. All of these hold very dear places in my heart.  There is joy, peace, and comfort as I remember people, places, foods, and celebrations.  While they all have their place in making me who I am, they have all been temporary stops on a journey to my real Home.   While they are so important, the infinitely greater place is not where I am from, but where I am going.  Paul says it best,   "But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself." Romans 3:20-21

I fell in love with Psalm 84 shortly after I came to know the Lord.  I love it because I've never felt completely at home, completely at peace here.  A longing for something greater has always been in my heart. I remember the excitement I felt about being a pilgrim when I read this for the first time, one with a purpose while here but who ultimately belongs somewhere else.

How lovely is your dwelling place,

O Lord of hosts!

 My soul longs, yes, faints 

for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and flesh sing for joy

to the living God.

 Even the sparrow finds a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself,

where she may lay her young,

at your altars, O Lord of hosts,

my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house,

ever singing your praise! Selah

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,

in whose heart are the highways to Zion.

As they go through the Valley of Baca

they make it a place of springs;

the early rain also covers it with pools.

They go from strength to strength;

each one appears before God in Zion.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer;

give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah

Behold our shield, O God;

look on the face of your anointed!

For a day in your courts is better

than a thousand elsewhere.

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

the Lord bestows favor and honor.

No good thing does he withhold

from those who walk uprightly.

O Lord of hosts,

blessed is the one who trusts in you!

I have a hard time thinking of anything to say after that Psalm.  In awe, I can't wait to know this Home and see my Abba Father, feeling His touch, and being made whole in His presence.  It's awesome that each of these other places have reflected him and taught me about him, that they all fit together in what God is doing in my life.  While on this pilgrimage, it is my hope and prayer that I am not defined by each stop, but by where I am going.  I want to reflect my true citizenship, and by doing so live this life all the more richer and fuller.  

Wouldn't it be awesome if we fit in a little less with the world around us and reflected the image of our true citizenship?  How would our lives change, how would our churches change, what impact would Christians have on our families, communities, nation, and world?

So much to be thankful for:

141.  All of the places I've been able to call home.

142.  A Home that I cannot even begin to imagine.

143.  That Jesus is preparing a place for us and will come back for us.

144.  The great calling to live for Him and make this place a place of springs.

145.  The grace and power of God that accomplishes 144.

146.  My little pirate with crazy hair.

147.  Son and Daddy carving pumpkins.

148.  Rest for the weary.

149.  Saints football (hope they win tonight).

150.  Birthday celebrations with friends

151.  An awesome time of worship with the Chapman family at the Steven Curtis Chapman and Caleb concert.

152.  The story of God's grace that is so evident in the Chapman family and their ability to share it with all of us.

153.  God's heart for the orphan and the widow.  And ways that He provides and cares for them.

154.  People who are Christ's hands and feet to the least of these.

155.  The adoption I have received into God's family.

Aargh!

Stuck

To my right stands a mountain of tiny baby clothes.  Directly in front of me, another mountain of slightly less tiny baby clothes. And to the left,  a few bigger baby clothes.  In the middle of the living room, a pack and play.  The dining room, a car seat, an exersaucer, a bumbo, and a huge box of freshly cleaned bottles. I type resting on a boppy.

I sort and clean each item one by one, remembering stages of growth in my now two year old son.   Time has flown and I'm amazed at how quickly he went through each stage.  I anticipate and plan and look forward to our new baby boy growing through each stage.

He rolls in my tummy.  Kicking and jabbing, he must be practicing the M.C. Hammer.  I press back and delight to feel his movements against my own.  I'll see him in an ultrasound in two weeks.  I'll hold him in my arms a few weeks later.

My son Andrew, talks to Baby Brother and gives him hugs and kisses.  He observes all the baby stuff.  I wonder  at what level does he understand what's about to happen.  I praise him for his help, love on him with all I have, and tell him he will be a great big brother.

He clinches the charm I can't take off yet.  Tired and irritated, I tell him to stop touching.  "That's for Baby Ashlynn.  That's her letters," he says as he lets go.  I cry.  The grief that sneaks its head around the corner at the mention of the word "ultrasound" wells up and lets itself out.  I hug my little boy and tell him he will meet her when we get Home one day.

"Ultrasound" how exciting.  And so late in pregnancy, I've never seen one of my babies so far along.  Yet I heard the worst news of my life after an ultrasound and I have a terrible fear of bad news again.  My heart rejoices and aches as it tenses and releases within my being.

I'm stuck in a sadness, in a loneliness, and I hurt at what was and what might be.  I hope for so much more than what I fear.  I know my fears are skewed, are blown out of proportion.  I know One who is bigger.  I wait, I hope, and I trust in Him.

I just read this blog and was greatly blessed:
http://thegypsymama.com/2010/10/on-meeting-my-daughter/comment-page-1/#comment-7758

Gestational Diabetes

Last Friday I found out that I have Gestational Diabetes.  At first it was overwhelming and stressful with all of the information that I was given.  Being an unorganized person, I didn't think I could handle the rigid schedule of a strict diet (low carb), and counting carbs, as well as checking my glucose levels 4 times a day.  The initial stress has worn off and it's actually kind of neat to see how the food that I eat affects the glucose levels in my blood.

But now I am slightly overwhelmed again.  I have several appointments for the duration of pregnancy.  I went from routine checks to "higher risk" and that scares me a lot, even though I should probably not fear.  On top of that, I am highly irritable today.  Maybe due to all of the changes in my diet, I'm having some kind of withdrawal?  

Anyways, there's a brief update and request for prayer.  Thanks in advance.

For a brief overview of Gestational Diabetes
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/gestational/

A few thoughts on leadership.

Something has gotten me thinking and praying.

Our church is searching for a new pastor.  What a tough place to be in.  To choose the man that is fit for our specific body.  The man that can lead and pastor us and lead us in the ways of Christ.

This makes one think about leadership and what makes a good leader.  Furthermore, about Christ and his ways of leadership.  As I see in the Scriptures, he didn't follow our typical mold of leadership.  Nor did he fit in during his day as the ideal leader.  Many were drawn to him, many more were turned away.  He cared not for religious practices, but for purity of the heart that would naturally lead to good deeds.  He spent his time with the outcasts of society, with sinners, lame, and destitute.  He served in humility and not in pride.  He did not come up with programs to fit every need, but said that he was to meet every need.  He did not conform to society, but called his followers to conform to himself.  I could go on and on...

It's easy to want a leader that will succeed in growing the church, a leader who is a powerful speaker, a leader who makes it seem that we all fit in nicely.  I think I prefer a leader who looks like Christ, one who follows His ways even though they may seem counter-culture, one who challenges me and our church out of
our comfort zone where we fit so nicely.

My prayer is for this man.  That Christ would shape his heart.  That he would hear God's call and that our leadership will recognize him when we see him.  I pray that he is a man led by the Spirit and by God's Word above all things and a man that can shepherd our church to follow Christ more fully.

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:1  (Paul, one of the greatest leaders in the Bible, points to Christ)

Giving thanks

"All that is gold does not glitter, 

Not all those who wander are lost"

— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

131.  Boys pulling wagons, riding tractors, and picking pumpkins at the pumpkin patch.
132.  Learning how to use my camera and new lens
133.  God's grace and gifts to me and the empowerment he gives to use them.
134.  Hearing my little boy pray and then at the end shout in excitement, "I did it by myself!"
135.  Dinner out with my husband for his birthday.
136.  Fellowship lunch after church.
137.  Friends near and far that are easy to be myself around and talk to like picking up where we left off each time.  It's awesome not to have to go through small talk to get to the good stuff with these friends!
138.  The challenge to grow in my depth of relationship with God and in His Word.
139.  My husband's safe arrival after time away.
140.  God's faithfulness to always be with us.