Through the eyes of a child

To one, I have all the answers.  "What's this?"  I hear as I look down to see his bright eyes shining back at me.  "It's a pistachio, you can eat it."  He inspects it closely, "Pistachio?".  "Yes, it's good, try it."  He puts it in his mouth and grins, "I like it."

  

"What's this?"  I hear this phrase fifty times a day.  My son explores in wonder the world around him and looks to me to help him define it.  

One day I'll run out of answers and he'll be teaching me.  For now I'll be thankful that he doesn't test my answers or doubt my responses.

Often I think that if I would look at the world through his eyes, I might see more clearly.  With a brand new outlook on life, I would not be bogged down by doubt or by my own answers.  I would look to my Father in all circumstances asking, "What's this?" with bright child-like innocence radiating from my face and fully trusting His response to each question.  I would not even think about coming up with my own answer, but would ask Him for the answer.  

Somewhere we lose that child-like faith.  We stop looking and asking of our Father.  We make up our own answers, blinding ourselves to His.  Our sight, my sight, becomes dim when I think and act without coming to Him first in all things.  Unfortunately this is most of the time.

I pray for a renewed child-like faith that depends on my Abba Father and trusts Him in all things, gives me a clearer picture of the wonder of who He is and allows me to see the world as He defines it.

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, 'Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?'And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them  and said, 'Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"
Matthew 18:1-4

A full heart

Thou hast given so much to me,

Give one thing more, - a grateful heart;

Not thankful when it pleaseth me,

As if Thy blessings had spare days,

But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise.

~George Herbert

121.  A weekend full of friends.
122. Time to sleep in with my husband-very rare since becoming parents.  Our son played in his crib until 8:45 today.
123.  A patient husband who affirms his love to me daily.
124.  A patient Father who's mercies are new every morning
125.  Family day at the zoo.

126.  Boys camping, fires burning, and smores roasting.

127. Game night with friends.

128.  College football season.

129.  Books to read to my son.

130.  Drawing with my son.

Pregnancy after Loss Update

Today I finally updated my pregnancy after loss page.  You can link to it at the top of the page or just click here.

Today I received a rather strange and hurtful comment about this pregnancy and it has just gotten me into a pensive mindset so I  thought I'd focus that energy into updating my page.  You never know what kinds of things people will think of to say.  I think that it is just that they really aren't thinking at all.

I'm thankful that I don't get those type of comments to often anymore.  I'd like to write a whole long page about this, but don't know what to say, so I'll leave it at that.

When our heart condemns us

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;  for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:19,20

A constant struggle wages in my mind and heart more often than I'd like to admit.  Often my heart condemns me and I am beaten down by lies from myself.  This morning as I woke it was no different.  I was given the preceding  verse and find it's placement in Scripture interesting and comforting as well as motivating and challenging.  Why does a verse about self condemnation fit into a chapter and a book about love of the Father and love for our brothers?

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 1 John 3:1


I am a child of God.  What amazing love!  Can there be anything to take that away?  Not a chance! What an advocate!  If God is for us what or who can stand against us?  Not even ourselves. (Romans 8:31-39).  

Starting in 1 John 3:11 brotherly love shines through as an obvious sign that we have God's love in our heart. 

"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers." 1 John 3:14

We know love because Christ laid down His life for us. 

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" 1 John 3: 16,17

This love in action, a proactive love for our brothers pushes us through when our hearts condemn us.  Turning our eyes and our hearts outward and away from the lies of guilt and shame, loving our brothers comes from a love far greater than ourselves and yet springs from His Holy Spirit residing in ourselves.  How great an honor to give Christ's love to others, to walk side by side with our Abba Father in giving this love!  The act of God turning our eyes from self pity to brotherly love proves God is at work in us.  It shuts up the voices of self-condemnation and shows us how much bigger God's work in our hearts is in comparison to our own guilt and shame.

 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;  for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:18,20

My heart condemns me daily.  I feel bad and down daily.  I'm relying on God to work His Spirit and remind me daily of His love and grace to me.  I'm trusting Him to propel me beyond myself that I can see the needs of others and share this same love and grace given to me. Love that fills my heart and silences the voices of guilt and shame replacing them with songs of joy and deliverance.  I pray that I can remember this passage and cling to it being enabled to love in action and in truth relying on the grace and mercy of God my Father. 

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.   For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1,2

Always giving thanks...

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,  making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,  addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:15-21

I find the context of this verse interesting. It is preceded by the importance of living as children of the light rather than of the world (darkness) and followed by our roles to our spouses.  Nestled between two great challenges, it gives us a weapon to overcome the difficulties and our natural tendencies to fail at these two points.  In myself I cannot live as a child of the light, nor can I love and submit to my husband, but I do find that hearing the Word through fellowship with others, worship, and the acts of thanksgiving for all things at all times to God and through Christ makes the burdens light and enables me to live more and more as He has called me to as the Spirit speaks and empowers me.  My prayer is that God would draw me near as I wander often.

113.  Time away with friends and the dose of perspective it can bring.  A couple of friends and I were able to go out of town for the night and go shopping!!!  No boys of any ages.   I missed them and found it funny how much I talked about them, but it was refreshing to be away.

114.  The way rearranging a room makes it seem as if you have a whole new room.  My boys will be sharing a room so last night my husband and I moved things around to make much use out of little space.

115.  My husband's help around the house.  My growing belly means I need more and more help.  I'm so thankful for the way he loves me through serving even though he works long hours and serves a lot at the church.

116. My husband's tenderness to the Word of God and courage to take more and more steps to grow and lead our family.

117.  Baby Boy Tarplee's continued growth and entering into the third trimester.

118.  Andrew's affection and the way he kisses and hugs his baby brother by cuddling up to my belly and talking to him.
119.  That as Andrew plays with the charm I wear, he says, "That's for baby Ashlynn."  His memory amazes me.  The memory of the hope of her fixes my gaze on eternity.

120.  Stability that can only come from knowing my Abba Father and the instability in my heart that causes me to run to Him constantly and teaches me to depend on Him rather than myself.