Mountains within and the faith that moves them

"And He said to them, “Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you.["But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”]"  Matthew 17:20

Until recently I thought that faith was a strength of mine.  Maybe it is in a since, but I think it's been in the wrong place.  I have found recently that I'm not motivated the way I once was.  I think that it's because I have been motivated by the wrong thing.  I've lived more out of obligation and trying to live up to a standard rather than resting in love.  My faith has largely been in myself rather than in Him.

See, it's actually easier that way even though it's impossible to ever meet the standard.  For to rest in love, one has to trust and to believe in love.  I now realize that I have little faith in love.  Therefore, I hardly rest in it and it has not been my motivation for living.

The other night I woke up in the middle of the night and had to write. I just wrote a little because sleep these days is hard to come by.  Here's what I wrote:

 "Jesus said, 'Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains,' and the largest mountains seem to be in my heart.  I have lost faith in a father's love and find myself running in self preservation from it.  I run in vain as it's impossible to escape the Father's love and there's no place to hide from Him.  There is a still small piece of me that hopes, though most of my being rejects the idea of unfailing love.  This small bit of hope keeps me holding on, waiting for a father's love to come to the rescue. 'Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief.' My unbelief seems so great.  I feel Him stirring within me."

Yes, the largest mountains seem to be in my heart.  But even the smallest faith can send the mountains crumbling into the sea.

In Matthew 17:1  the disciples asked Jesus why they couldn't drive out the demon and heal a man.  He replied that they didn't have faith.  They were trying in vain in their own strength to perform the miracle of healing and driving out demons.  So often I try in my own strength to drive out the past that haunts me.  Healing and power come from Him alone and with just a little bit of faith He can heal and restore as he performs miracles in my heart and I learn to rest in His love.

Eyes opening

I have not been motivated to do much of anything lately, including photography.  It's also been hot, so I haven't taken my boys to the park in a while.

Well, today I knew we needed to get out of the house so I grabbed my camera and my boys and headed to the park.

Now after looking at the shots and doing a little post-processing, I feel I am coming to life again as joy of the moments of this day take over and lift my spirit.

I should never stop taking pictures.  I feel more alive when I can see through the lens.

Here are a few shots.

The hard stuff.

Why share the hard stuff?  I often struggle to know whether to share the harder parts of my life.  Who really wants to hear about that?  Mostly, we'd rather look at happier, lighter things than the ugly and painful.  I know I would.  But God has a purpose in EVERYTHING and as I look at Scripture I see people who suffered and lived to TELL about it.  I see that they tell of God's glory and God's purpose.  They don't sweep half of their life under the rug and just tell of the easy stuff.

Take Joseph for example.  One of the main things we remember about him is the way that his brothers mistreated him.  God uses their acts against him for Joseph's good and God's glory.  Joseph acknowledges this and forgives his brothers.

I hope in the way my story unfolds, God receives glory for every step of the way.

In addition, healing for my heart comes as I tell my story.  I'm given a voice to express what still pains me.  Children in abuse have no voice, no control or say in their world.  As I speak about what was never spoken about as a child, I am strengthened and comforted and empowered to move forward.

SO, thanks to you for sticking with me through the hard stuff.  Though it can be hard to share, it's harder to deny that it ever happened.  And I'm comforted to have a few to walk alongside with in this journey as we share our stories with one another.

The Practice of Love

The practice of love

Or the absence thereof

Eats away at the core

Where you wouldn’t give more

Gnawing, it erodes and threatens to consume

The firstfruits of me before I’m aware

The practice of love

Mixed with threats, cuts and blood

My safe haven shattered

As our dreams lie tattered

Fleeing to hide in a shelter that eludes

As approaching hope drowns in fear

The practice of love

Dreadful script comes undone

My Savior catches each tear

As He holds me forever near

Healing, restoring He gives life anew

And leads me to the true practice of love

The practice of love

Born from the One above

Proves unlike any I’ve known

Teaching me deep truths of Home

Running, soaring in His strength I can do

As He does and lay my life down for you.

What is the Studio?

If you have been following this blog, you have noticed that I have begun directing you to a place I call the Studio.  Officially named Life River Studios, it has become a landing place and online home for many of my creative endeavors.  In addition, I write posts there that I share on Facebook in hopes of sharing what God is doing in my life and how He shows Himself to me through the gift of creation and of creating.  Because I share links with basically anybody I've ever brushed shoulders with, I'm hoping to keep it deep, but not as much as a journal as this blog has been.  It's been a blessing to hear from non-believers that they read and are impacted by what I've written there.

All that to say, this blog will remain somewhat of a journal.  I don't plan on making it private, but I don't plan on linking these posts to my Facebook account either.  I may share struggles in more depth here.  I'd like a place to continue to write and have support, but not for my whole world to know.  Thank you all who follow and encourage me. :)