Pregnancy after Loss Update

Today I finally updated my pregnancy after loss page.  You can link to it at the top of the page or just click here.

Today I received a rather strange and hurtful comment about this pregnancy and it has just gotten me into a pensive mindset so I  thought I'd focus that energy into updating my page.  You never know what kinds of things people will think of to say.  I think that it is just that they really aren't thinking at all.

I'm thankful that I don't get those type of comments to often anymore.  I'd like to write a whole long page about this, but don't know what to say, so I'll leave it at that.

When our heart condemns us

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;  for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:19,20

A constant struggle wages in my mind and heart more often than I'd like to admit.  Often my heart condemns me and I am beaten down by lies from myself.  This morning as I woke it was no different.  I was given the preceding  verse and find it's placement in Scripture interesting and comforting as well as motivating and challenging.  Why does a verse about self condemnation fit into a chapter and a book about love of the Father and love for our brothers?

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." 1 John 3:1


I am a child of God.  What amazing love!  Can there be anything to take that away?  Not a chance! What an advocate!  If God is for us what or who can stand against us?  Not even ourselves. (Romans 8:31-39).  

Starting in 1 John 3:11 brotherly love shines through as an obvious sign that we have God's love in our heart. 

"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers." 1 John 3:14

We know love because Christ laid down His life for us. 

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" 1 John 3: 16,17

This love in action, a proactive love for our brothers pushes us through when our hearts condemn us.  Turning our eyes and our hearts outward and away from the lies of guilt and shame, loving our brothers comes from a love far greater than ourselves and yet springs from His Holy Spirit residing in ourselves.  How great an honor to give Christ's love to others, to walk side by side with our Abba Father in giving this love!  The act of God turning our eyes from self pity to brotherly love proves God is at work in us.  It shuts up the voices of self-condemnation and shows us how much bigger God's work in our hearts is in comparison to our own guilt and shame.

 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him;  for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything." 1 John 3:18,20

My heart condemns me daily.  I feel bad and down daily.  I'm relying on God to work His Spirit and remind me daily of His love and grace to me.  I'm trusting Him to propel me beyond myself that I can see the needs of others and share this same love and grace given to me. Love that fills my heart and silences the voices of guilt and shame replacing them with songs of joy and deliverance.  I pray that I can remember this passage and cling to it being enabled to love in action and in truth relying on the grace and mercy of God my Father. 

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.   For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1,2

Always giving thanks...

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,  making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. 18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,  addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:15-21

I find the context of this verse interesting. It is preceded by the importance of living as children of the light rather than of the world (darkness) and followed by our roles to our spouses.  Nestled between two great challenges, it gives us a weapon to overcome the difficulties and our natural tendencies to fail at these two points.  In myself I cannot live as a child of the light, nor can I love and submit to my husband, but I do find that hearing the Word through fellowship with others, worship, and the acts of thanksgiving for all things at all times to God and through Christ makes the burdens light and enables me to live more and more as He has called me to as the Spirit speaks and empowers me.  My prayer is that God would draw me near as I wander often.

113.  Time away with friends and the dose of perspective it can bring.  A couple of friends and I were able to go out of town for the night and go shopping!!!  No boys of any ages.   I missed them and found it funny how much I talked about them, but it was refreshing to be away.

114.  The way rearranging a room makes it seem as if you have a whole new room.  My boys will be sharing a room so last night my husband and I moved things around to make much use out of little space.

115.  My husband's help around the house.  My growing belly means I need more and more help.  I'm so thankful for the way he loves me through serving even though he works long hours and serves a lot at the church.

116. My husband's tenderness to the Word of God and courage to take more and more steps to grow and lead our family.

117.  Baby Boy Tarplee's continued growth and entering into the third trimester.

118.  Andrew's affection and the way he kisses and hugs his baby brother by cuddling up to my belly and talking to him.
119.  That as Andrew plays with the charm I wear, he says, "That's for baby Ashlynn."  His memory amazes me.  The memory of the hope of her fixes my gaze on eternity.

120.  Stability that can only come from knowing my Abba Father and the instability in my heart that causes me to run to Him constantly and teaches me to depend on Him rather than myself.

God's Work of Comfort

I find it amazing how God works and fits all things together.  Even situations that may seem unrelated and random come together for His purposes.

I read a few blogs regularly, one of which I have become very attached to and can't wait for each new post.  Through reading it I am always pointed to what and who is most important.  I always gain a broader perspective.

If you don't read any other blog, you should read this one:  A Holy Experience



The last three posts have been more than a reminder of God's grace to me.  They have been words to things I am going through and yet can't seem to express when I'm so lost in myself.  They have been words written as if straight from the depths of me yet I have never met Ann personally.  I read, I pray, I weep, I'm comforted and my heart expands beyond myself seeing how God works through the struggle, in the struggle of another woman with a heart devoted to Him.

 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.  If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer.  Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort. 2 Corinthians 1: 3-7


Here are the three posts in order:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/09/only-hunt-that-will-ever-feed-hungry.html
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/09/when-you-re-feeling-burden-of-it-all.html
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2010/09/when-youre-feeling-nervous-whats-really.html

The Struggle

What do you blog about when the struggle seems so big?  I could go into the struggle.  I could complain.  I could vent.  But largely, the struggle is actually with myself and I'm kind of tired of talking about myself.  I know there is One much greater with a picture much more glorious than I can imagine.  How can I get a better glimpse of His perspective?

Maybe a good idea would be to focus on the One who struggled, but never faced defeat.  The One who, when he anticipated the climax of His purpose on earth cried tears of blood, begging for another way, but submitted to the will of His Father.  This man, made my brother, my friend, my Lord, and my Savior.  Tempted in every way, yet without sin stood in my place and gives me the honor of being in His.  How great the Father's love for us!

The struggle continues, but we have the victory.  We fight the battle with Him and He gives us the power.  He gave us the Holy Spirit. I'm at my wits end with myself.  I can't live the way He calls me to.  I can't love the way He tells me to in His Word.  But the Holy Spirit can.  Now that I could submit to this Spirit within me, that His fruit will increase and I would decrease.  Praise God that He will complete this work within me!

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." Romans 7:15-25

 "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6


"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are" 1 John 3: 1a


"For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21