You Never Let Go

I know I have been posting mostly songs and videos lately. Sorry I have not gone much deeper. During the most difficult times, I find that music gives voice to my struggles and hopes and lifts my spirit. SO until I can share more, here is another great song!

Let it Fade

Have you been walking on a surface that's uncertain?
Have you helped yourself to everything that's empty?
You can't live this way too long.
There's more than this, more than this.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?
You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest, you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let it fade.

Are you carrying the weight too much?, are you running from the call?
Let it fade, Oh yeah.

You can rest, you will find rest.
You can rest you will find rest.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offered be your saving grace.
Let this old life crumble, let it fade, let it fade.

Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Have you been standing on your own feet too long?
Have you been looking for a place where you belong?

"Times"

I'm currently going through a trial of faith and depending on God.  I like this song (mostly the end).  
Here is the end part:


I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Effect of loss on relationships

Here is another question from the Butterfly Mommies Blog followed by my answer.

How have your relationships been affected by your loss?  (with God, your husband, yours and your husband's parents, your siblings, your living children, and/or friendships?)  If you could convey to others one thing about yourself that would help them understand what you both need to maintain your relationship what would that be?


This is a really hard question to answer.  I'll tread lightly.  Some of it is still so much in process that I really don't have an answer.

One of the biggest things that has changed for me relationally is how I relate to others.  I have new eyes where I was blind before.  I think back and wonder how good of a friend I have been to others experiencing grief and know that in many ways I fell short.  I understand pain now and have a deeper vocabulary of heart to grieve with others.

Because of this understanding, most of those who have not been completely there for me are still my friends.  I have been in their shoes and am able to forgive where they may fall short.

My relationship with God has been up and down.  My faith has been and continues to be shaken.  I know He will be victorious and am grateful that my relationship with Him is not based on me and my ability to carry it out, but on His. More later.

Husband.  This has given us something to go through together and something that he can't fix, so doesn't try.  For the first time I feel like we are truly walking together through the pain as it works itself out in our life.
He has been a great friend and a great help.

I have many close friends who live many miles away.  Many have been very supportive, but they can only do so much living at such a distant.  A couple of local friends have really become closer and walk with me through the ups and downs of life after loss.  These are the friends that I keep close and remain open to.  The others who haven't been as supportive, they are different kinds of friends right now, not cut off, but not held close to where I would pour my heart out to them.

Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."  I don't need a lot of true friends and am thankful for a few.

In addition, I have a few new friends that I can write to online that have experienced the loss of a baby.  It is good to be able to identify with them and with others who are familiar with pain and suffering.


If I could convey one thing about me that I need to maintain relationships...
Let me be happy on my own time, let me be sad on my own time.  My biggest struggle with others and with the church is the pressure to have it all together and just be happy.  I want to be authentic and not fake and I want to be around others who are also authentic.  I really don't like when people pretend to have it all together or expect me to act like I do.  More often than not, I feel a pressure to wear a facade.  However, I know how to laugh from deep within and I know how to weep and I feel both are equally valuable emotions for a rich life.