Thanksgiving in uncertainty.

Today we'll find out if my husband goes to work next week.  It's all been up in the air as we wait for the government leaders to decide on the annual budget.  If no decision is made, there will be a government shut down until one is in place.

There are many reasons I thank God for this trial.
1. Uncertainty drives me to trust the One who is certain.
2. A fragile personal income (not knowing if we will have a lapse in paychecks) has caused me to spend less.  This battles my spending addiction which has flared up as I deal with a traveling husband.
3.  He still has a job to go back to once the budget is settled.
4.  We may get to spend much needed time together as a family.

Gratitude list.

"No one need be poor, because if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession.  No one need be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts.  We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus, or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us.  All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him.  Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or praise Him for all He has done, but then that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." A. W. Tozer The Pursuit of God

306. Dinner brought from a friend
307. Spontaneous playdates
308. God is near.
309. ALL things work TOGETHER according to His plan and will
310. The promise of healing and restoration
311. Quiet mornings before my boys rise.
312. Savings for times of need.
313. Opportunities to give
314. Bible study
315. a foster care celebration/shower
316. Baby's cries to tell me what he needs
317.  My church family loving on me and the boys while Adam travels
318.  Time to myself thanks to #317
319.  Rebuilding a friendship
320.  God at work
321.  Stargazing in awe
322.  Learning to adore Him
323.  Books.  New favorite- Pursuit of God by Tozer

Contentment

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs." 1 Timothy 6: 6-7


This passage has me asking myself, "What do I chase after?  What is that one thing that I think I can't live without."


I often watch home improvement type shows.  I love to get ideas about the home.  While I do learn sometimes, often it can be a distraction from what's truly important.  Let's just say, it's easy to want more when I see more and dream more as I watch certain shows.  Also, I feel a tension as I see people searching for the PERFECT house or vacation house.  I get frustrated with the materialism all around and know that I am no exception.


Maybe it's time to be more guarded in the shows that I watch knowing that they impact my level of contentment. This is, after all, more important than having the perfect updated kitchen.


There is only one thing worth chasing, one that I cannot live without.  Lord, teach me to chase after you!


"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified." 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Project Simplify- week four, of the heart

SO, this week I did work on the pantry and the fridge.  Really.  I did.  However, in the middle of it all, my fridge broke.  On top of a whirlwind week of husband travel, Nana in town, and Andrew's birthday we dealt with replacing the fridge on my husband's lone day off.  Therefore, I don't have anything to show for this week's project, but I wanted to share how cleaning and simplifying impacts my spiritual growth and falls into place in God's work in my heart.



Project Simplify--my innermost heart.

By nature, clutter follows me.  I've loved being a part of project simplify.  It's enabled me to push myself to finish areas I generally only begin to organize.  When I'm cleaning and organizing I sense a greater lesson to be learned in the process. God speaks of the clutter in my heart.

I organize, I toss, I file, I clean, I see what fits, I inspect what is rotten, all to make a better home for my family and a better home to share with others.

WOW! Do you see what I am seeing?  With all this focus on my home (a very needed focus), a bigger need comes into focus.  Residing within me there are things that are in disorder, things that no longer fit, things that are filthy, and things that have gone rotten.  My heart, a temple of the living God, needs to be simplified and reconstructed.  Things and people are in the Holy of Holies, God's place.  I have been fighting and working with everything that I am and more importantly with all His energy, to get things in order.

But how?  Sin patterns learned from my youth root themselves deeply and threaten to strangle what is pure.  How can I change them?  My flesh is weak.  I cannot.  There's such a big mess that I wouldn't know where to begin.  One holds the power and the strength to break me and mold me.  One.  My heart simplifies to beat for One.  I fall before Him.  I cry, weep even, I grieve, and I let go with great struggle.  Daily I come empty and wait for Him to fill.

I find that in giving up one idol, another stands in line to fill the place.  I hunger for something other, for one who completes and I turn to God's Word to fight off the temptation to be filled with any other.  He speaks and I want to know His language.  I want for it to be so deeply rooted that it overcomes the strangling roots of self that tend to take over.

God shows me progress, in a humbled posture.  Though I'm worn out and bruised and weary, He brings joy and renewal for the battle. I can sense that He is near.

This is the hardest cleaning job I've ever been involved in.

A different plan...wedding story Part two

My wedding story... (see Part one first)

Let's see... where was I.  Oh yes, we planned the perfect wedding.  But no matter how perfect our plans seem to be, sometimes God has other plans.

In late August 2005 a huge storm brewing in the Gulf of Mexico forced us to evacuate the city to Twin Lakes, a Christian camp where I had worked as a camp counselor.  Many of our friends and community were with us, including my pastor.  At the time, evacuation seemed to me a big nuisance.  We had just evacuated for a previous storm that turned into nothing to us and a trip that would usually take 2 hours took an entire day.  The day before we left, we moved all of my belongings into an apartment that we would live in after we married.  All I wanted to do was stay and settle into the new place.  Good thing that my fiance had better judgement than me!

We began talking about our wedding plans the night before Katrina hit.  Our city was in the bulls eye and we knew that New Orleans would not be able to recover quickly if hit.  We knew that all we had would be lost and we didn't know where each of us would go if that happened.  We decided that if Katrina hit, we would be together as we started rebuilding life rather than apart.  On August 29th, our original wedding plans were literally wiped out. On August 30th, as we were all trying to figure out where we would go from there, Adam and I told our pastor of our plans.  None of us knew where we would go next, but Adam and I knew we would be in it together.

My friends planned a great service as Adam and I drove to town to find a place to take showers (there was no electricity or running water at the camp due to the storm).  When we made it back to the camp, we were amazed at how everybody worked to bring this together.  The kitchen workers brought a few wedding dresses that fit me, one very similar to what I had chosen.  They made a cake (in the dark).  We had juice for the toast.  We had a full wedding service with a friend playing guitar to lead us in worship.  My "big brother" walked me down the aisle and gave me away (this was in the original plan).

After the wedding and reception we took wedding photos around the lake. We stayed our first wedding night at the camp in the new Pastoral retreat cabins.  Very luxurious, even without hot water and lights. :)

Here we are cutting the cake.  Notice the floral arrangement made up of debris from the hurricane.  I had a bouquet to match.

The toast with our camp juice.


The vows.  Me in dress with bare feet. Adam in shorts.


With such a fun story, it would be cool if I could say that we lived happily ever after.  But anyone who has been married a day, knows that in real life marriage is no fairy tale.  We are two great sinners saved by an amazing God with even greater grace.  Marriage has been a place of refinement for both of us, as God works to change us more and more into the image of His Son... I suppose this calls for a part three.  :)