Truth that overcomes

Lying on his tummy my four month old son focuses on the rattle, his head bobbling a little as he reaches forward.  He swats at it several times, mostly missing the desired object, but never taking his eye off of it.  With all of his strength he determines to have it.  Finally his swats aim dead on and he clinches and clings to it.

This paints a picture of my struggle to know God intimately.  I want to know Him, I try with all that I am, and yet I miss the mark so often.  I'm thankful for His grace and mercy and that He who began the good work in me will bring it to perfection (Phil 1:6).  I have been fighting idols in my heart and habits of negative thinking.  Why this struggle?  Why am I this way?  I trace roots back to those before me, empty with nothing to give.  Lost, seeking and searching, living to survive.  Emptiness breeds emptiness and I long to be full. Alcohol, abuse, and abandonment dig a chasm at the core of who I am.

I know Christ, my Redeemer, Brother, and Healer.  I know Love, but do I accept it at my core?  How often do I let the chasm define me and direct me.  In distrust of love do I turn away from Love?  I struggle to find Him, to grasp a glimpse of Him, and to cling to Him.

When the truth of my past and the pain that it holds surfaces, victory awaits over it.  Jesus, the Truth (John 14:6), combats all the little truths that haunt the weary heart.  I need only turn to Him, fall at His feet, confess my endless sins and offer all that I am (or am not) in exchange for all that He is.  My nourishment, my fulfillment can be found in Him alone.  Everything else falls short and only feeds the chasm.  He has come to bring life and bring it to the FULL (John 10:10).

How can the wounded one at the core of me learn to trust and accept all that is good?  I've been reading several books in addition to the Bible to help with this battle. I think often I read God's Word and believe it to an extent, but don't fully accept it for myself.  One suggestion offered in, Please Don't Say Need Me, is to make God's promises personal by inserting your name.  At first this seemed kind of silly, but I have found this helpful in allowing God's Word to seep into deeper levels of who I am.  In a sense it's like speaking Scripture to myself.

I find an endless list of promises that bring hope in God's Word. Here are a few promises for the battle:
"May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope. " Romans 15: 13


"So let us seize and hold fast and retain without wavering the hope we cherish and confess and our acknowledgement of it, for He Who promised is reliable (sure) and faithful to His word." Hebrews 10: 23


"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord." Psalm 27: 14

Also, As I learn more about God and who He is, His grandeur diminishes anything that stands in His place in my heart.  "To know the attributes of God-his characteristics-is to know he is trustworthy.  As you get to know Him, you will be able to relax with him, rely on him, and deepen your relationship until your longing to be loved, valued and secure is satisfied in him." Jan Silvious Please Don't Say You Need Me: Biblical Answers for Codependency

I am learning to meditate on who He is and worship Him for who He is and what He has done. Healing takes place as I gain a right view of Him and of myself as His child.

As Easter approaches, I rejoice in the victory Christ holds through the life He lived perfectly and that He gave his life sacrificially on the cross for me.  The victory is ours through Him!