Hope of Renewal

Ever feel like you just can't move another step, you're just to tired.  The finish line awaits before you, but nothing of yourself can get you there.   I'm so tired and still in survivor mode.  I don't think clearly and move from one place to another step by step, but almost lifeless as I am just trying to get through the day.  Anger and impatience have gotten the best of me.  I have forgotten to be thankful, to count the gifts graced to me.


While decluttering I make several trips outside to the recycle bin and the trash.  Late in the evening, the clear sky almost beckons my name. Similar to Isaiah 40 (my favorite chapter in the Bible).  


"Look to the heavens..."


Breathing in the crisp night air I freeze in my tracks. Looking up, my soul says, "Wow! Look at that!"  Bright light from the moon reflects off of clouds to look like white caps in the ocean.  Stars scatter between them.  Coolness of the air helps me breath new life.


"Who created all these?"  
"Yes, I know, Lord, I'm so sorry.  You amaze me and I wander so far still. I am so so sorry.


"He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing."

I don't want to go back inside, back to the chaos that I create for myself.  I remain still, on my sidewalk somewhere between my front door and the garbage bins.  "I need you, Lord."

 "Why do you say, O Jacob,

and speak, O Israel,
'My way is hidden from the LORD,
and my right is disregarded by my God'?

So true.  I try to manage on my own, like You are not even here.  I run in my own strength, only to fail.  Foolishly, I think this path is to hard.  Indeed it is-- for me.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable."

But God, you make burdens light. Everlasting One, how amazing that you do not faint or grow weary! Creator of all, often I think I know the plan and how to execute it, but You KNOW for it is your own.  My understanding is so limited and yours is unsearchable. 

"He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
 but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."

This brings so much hope every time I remember it.  Lord, help me REMEMBER!  Thank you for your power given to the faint, to me.  I'm amazed that you can change me from almost lifeless to soaring on wings like eagles.  I need you now.