Treasure of the Broken Land

TREASURE OF THE BROKEN LAND
lyrics by Mark Heard

I see you now and then in dreams
Your voice sounds just like it used to
I know you better than I knew you then
All I can say is I love you

I thought our days were commonplace
Thought they would number in millions
Now there's only the aftertaste
Of circumstance that can't pass this way again

Treasure of the broken land
Parched earth, give up your captive ones
Waiting wind of Gabriel
Blow soon upon the hollow bones

I saw the city at its tortured worst
And you were outside the walls there
You were relieved of a lifelong thirst
I was dry at the fountain

I knew that you could see my shame
But you were eyeless and sparing
I awoke when you called my name
I felt the curtain tearing

Treasure of the broken land
Parched earth give up your captive ones
Waiting wind of Gabriel
Blow soon upon the hollow bones

I can melt the clock hands down
But only in my memory
Nobody gets the second chance to be the friend they meant to be

I see you now and then in dreams
Your voice sounds just like it used to
I believe I will hear it again
God how I love you

Treasure of the broken land
Parched earth give up your captive ones
Waiting wind of Gabriel
Blow soon upon the hollow bones

From Satellite Sky
Mark Heard

God's promises

  I'm thankful for God's Word.

40. That it is true.

       "from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for  salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for  teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:15-17

41. That it is alive and active.

      "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of   soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

42. That there are so many promises for hope and peace and salvation, and that God can never break  His promises.

      "For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to  God for his glory." 1 Corinthians 1:20.

       "The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made."  Psalm 145: 13b

43. That His mercies are new every morning and the path to that mercy is so often His Word.

      "Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." Lamentations 3:23

      "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."  Psalm 119: 105

Sad news of a friend

  "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:  

 a time to be born, and a time to die;
  a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
   a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
  a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance"

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Yesterday I received news that a close friend of mine from college passed away.  I'm heartbroken about her loss and to hear how depressed she had been before her death.  She was a dear friend who enriched the lives of many through her writings, thoughtfulness, and depth of friendship.

Recently things don't seem as black and white as Ecclesiastes seems to put it.  To me it seems that all of the times are mixed in together.  Where does the mourning end and the joy begin?  Where does the weeping end and the laughing begin?  All of it seems so interconnected.  It seems that I am stuck in a season of great grief blended together with great joy.

Rest now in the arms of your Beloved, dear Jules.  No more sadness, no more tears, only the overwhelming joy of His presence.  May He fill the hole in so many hearts as you go Home before us.

Books and more...

37.  Books for Andrew.  I love children's books.  Since we have gotten the bed tent for Andrew, I have put books in his bed that he can read when he wakes up.  Surprisingly it has worked and today I didn't have to get him out of his crib until 8 (an hour later than usual)!  I'm thankful that he spends a little time by himself with his books each morning (at least for now).

38.  A nice dinner with my husband.  Last night we went to a seafood restaurant on the water.  I'm thankful for a little chance to break from the normal routine and also thankful that he had enough money left over from his business trip so that we could afford it.

39.  Leftovers.  I always have leftovers when we go out to eat.  Today I can have a tasty lunch without really just by warming them up. :)  The less work the better!

The gift of sleep

36. Sleep.  "he grants sleep to those he loves" Psalm 127:2b  Last week Andrew started climbing out of his crib.  After one night of less than 3 hours of sleep, I was on a mission to find a crib tent.  I called around and the closest that I found was 2 hours away.  To preserve my sanity and my sleep, I took a road trip for the only tent in driving distance.  Now my son sleeps soundly in his bed all night.  Not only that, but he seems to sleep longer!  Praise God!

Brotherly Love

35. My son's affection for his new sibling.  I really enjoy reading week by week the development of the baby in my "tummy".  So much so that I usually do it a few days early in anticipation of each coming week.  Today Andrew was sitting with me on the couch as I looked at different sites and videos of the baby's development at 12 weeks.  When he saw the pictures and the videos he would say "baby," pointing to the picture and then say "baby in mommy's tummy,"  pulling up my shirt to cuddle and kiss the baby.  Does it get any sweeter?

Today at dinner we asked him what he was going to have, a brother or a sister.  "Sister."  We asked a couple of more times to see if he changed back and forth.  Sister remained the answer.  We'll have to wait to see if his prediction is right. :)

Unplugged

34. Game nights with my husband.  It's a long story, but our tv is locked up for a little while.  Yesterday was our first full day being unplugged.  It's a challenge as a mom, but good.  Last night Adam and I opted to play games.  We have several two player games that we have never really played.  It was so fun learning a new game that we stayed up way to late.  I think we were both thankful for the way that this time together built our friendship.

A break

On my list of thankfulness this is a big one. :)
33. Andrew's night out.  Last night a friend had Andrew sleep over so that my husband and I could go on a date and I could have a restful morning.  What a great friend!  We saw Karate Kid-I loved it.  This morning I was able to lay around the house and read-HOW REFRESHING!  Big thanks for this one!

Gratitude

31.  Waking up to a quiet house.  Most Saturdays I'm able to sleep in as Adam gets up with Andrew.  This morning he packed up breakfast and took Andrew fishing at a nearby pond.  Great bonding for the boys and great rest for momma!

32.  God's patience with me.  I am not generally a patient person.  I try to fit to much into to little amount of time.  Today I made a quick stop to pick up beef at Publix, but was in a hurry to get in and get out of the store.  The cut I wanted was not in the display so the butcher offered to cut some.  I noticed him joking around and taking his time getting the meat ready.  I was quickly reminded that I needed to be patient and that God is so much more patient with me though I am often slow to respond to His leading.

Thankfulness 21-30

^"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe" Hebrews 12: 28

21. The Holy Spirit that intercedes for me.

22. Anticipation of my husband's return after a week away.

23. My mommy group.

24. My husbands hard work to provide for our family.

25.That God never questions what He is doing, but is always working all things out according to His purpose.

26. Home, eternal Home.

27. My church family.

28.  God's heart for the poor and the way I see it reflected in others.

29. Date night.  I think I need one soon.  Adam are you reading this?

30. Comic relief, specifically through the Office.

Prayer stammers forth

prayer stammers forth as a mere stutter

your Spirit groans the words i can't utter

my heart and my flesh continue to fail

i have read in your Word that your will prevails

faith lives by hope in what we can't see

i am trusting you're working far beyond me

to build a kingdom glorious with no sin or pain

where we'll praise and adore the One who was slain

till that day keep me tested, tried and true

that my foremost desire will always be you

for my deepest longings yearn for no other

and my prayers stammer forth as a mere stutter

10 weeks 5 days

Today I woke up and the day kicked into gear and I felt like I had never gone to sleep.  I have felt like withdrawing from everything and hiding in a hole for this day.  "Why are you downcast?" echoed in my soul as I questioned extreme waves of sadness.  My body has shifted in to grief mode again, rather unexpectedly.

Moments ago, I realized that this is the exact day in my pregnancy that I found out I had lost Baby Ashlynn.  Surely that has something to do with the intensity of grief that has taken over my body.  I'm not as much worried about the baby I carry now as I am mostly reminded of this exact time during my last pregnancy.

So I'm holding on and hoping and looking forward to a new day.

Gratitude for today.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17

11. long naps. I love naptime especially when I wake up before Andrew and have some quiet time to myself after resting.

12. My son squealing with delight as I hose the sand off of him while he runs around in the buff.

13. Fun times at the beach with friends on a beautiful day.

14. Running water that is safe to drink and available at the turn of a faucet.

15. Spell check that helps me learn how to spell faucet.  fosset? foset? fosit? I would have never gotten it right!

16. God's Word that shows me who He is, who I am in Him, and how I am to live.

17. Adult conversation interspersed with children playing and moms mommying.

18. The fact that God rested even though He never gets tired.

19. Songs and poems of lament that express what mere words cannot.

20. True hope that only comes from knowing Christ.

The Gratitude Community

I friend told me about this 1000 gifts gratitude community going on at The Holy Experience blog.  We decided to both blog our own lists of 1000 things that we are thankful for.  I can't imagine that my list will have a lot of planning or structure to it.  I'll try to post about this everyday and see where that takes me.  Some things will be deep and some things will be simple.

1.  What more can I be thankful for than the personal relationship I have with God.  I was amazed when I learned that being a Christian was not about knowing "about" God, but knowing Him in a personal way.  I am still blown away that He does not stand far off watching from a distance, but instead remains closer than a whisper to me.  I am thankful that He adopted me as His child through His Son, Jesus Christ.

2.  My husband.  Even though his work load has more than doubled, he has more than doubled in his serving and helping me around the house during this difficult time.  His love for me is unwavering and I don't doubt that he will always be there through the good and the bad.

3. My son.  A healthy and bright two year old who keeps me on my toes.

4. Trials.  The ones that I hate and hurt, but that God uses to show Himself to me and draw me closer to Him

5. Friends. The ones that stand by me even in the dark times and make me stronger, shine light into my darkness, and lighten the load just by being there.

6. The baby in my womb.  God has carried me through loss and grief and into another pregnancy.  Though I've been fearful, He has been developing this baby.  I'm thankful that I got to see the baby's heartbeat last Friday.

7. Laughter.  I love to make people laugh more than laugh myself, but every once in a while I can let loose and enjoy a good laugh.  True medicine for the soul.

8. Good books. Books that challenge the way I think and help me grow in my walk with God. Also, books that take me to another place and time, giving me a break from day to day life.

9.  Air conditioning.  It is hot outside. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I had no a.c. to turn on to cool me down.

10. Good music.  Songs that speak to my inner being and lift my spirits when they are down as well as give me words of worship when I am up or down.

I'm back

It's been so long since I've written openly here that I'm not sure how to start.  Let me just say it has been a long couple of months, but things have started looking up. 

I am 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  I praise God for His faithfulness to me and for the ways that He has been at work in my heart.  I found out that I was pregnant when I was just 3 weeks and 5 days.  For about a week I was elated.  After that, grief dove to a whole new level as I feared losing another baby.  So far I have been able to see the baby twice, the last time being at  9 weeks and 6 days.  It was awesome to see the baby's heart beating and to see the baby moving around in my womb.  Over the last several days, I have been able to let go of the fear of losing this baby and relax and hope in God's plan.  It is great to look forward to the days ahead of me again after coming through such a dark time.

No doubt, this blog is going to take a turn from despair and pain to hope and joy. Thanks to you all for your support through the toughest times.  I know more will come, and I am confident that God knows what He is doing in my life, even when I am not.

The Hidden Smile of God

Reading about believers who have faced trials in their life has pointed me in the direction of God and His plan for me.  The Hidden Smile of God is a book that I am reading by John Piper.  I am reading the free ebook that you can get online here.

This is taken from the Desiring God website:

"John Bunyan, William Cowper, and David Brainerd suffered in the midst of their kingdom labors. For Bunyan it was prison and danger for preaching the gospel. For Cowper it was life-long depression and suicidal darkness. For Brainerd it was tuberculosis and the "howling darkness" of American forests.

In these three biographies, John Piper explains how their steadfastness through trial sweetened and intensified their song of faith. The stories of how they suffered, how they endured, and how their affliction bore fruit will ignite radical Christian living, God-centered worship, and Christ-exalting mission.

Consider their stories and be encouraged that no labor and no suffering in the path of Christian obedience is ever in vain. As Cowper wrote, 'Behind a frowning providence God hides a smiling face.'"

So far in this book, I have read about John Bunyan. Not only was he in prison for preaching the Gospel, but his entire life was marked with suffering.  Piper does a great job giving a biography of Bunyan and then explaining how affliction worked out for God's good in Bunyan's life and ministry.

"I was made to see that if ever I would suffer rightly,
I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything
that can be properly called a thing of this life,
even to reckon myself, my wife, my children,
my health, my enjoyment, and all, as dead to me,
and myself as dead to them.
The second was, to live upon God that is invisible."
JOHN BUNYAN
GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE C H I E F OF S I N N E R S

"God is always sufficient for every good work; he is not “served
by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He
Himself gives to all men life and breath and all things” (Acts
17:25). Sometimes his smile is hidden, but his arm is never shortened,
nor his light extinguished. In due season the clouds move,
and the light returns, and we are sustained. As we get older we
learn to trust the inscrutable working of his winds. May these
chapters strengthen you to wait patiently for the Lord in the
seasons of darkness, because behind a frowning providence he
hides a smiling face."  John Piper, "The Hidden Smile of God."

"God Moves in a Mysteryious Way"

I've been reading "Hidden Smile" by John Piper. I highly recommend it! Here is a poem from William Cowper that is featured in the book.

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants his footsteps in the sea,

And rides upon the storm.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Judge not the lord by feeble sense,

But trust him for his grace;

Behind a frowning providence

He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

WI L L I A M COWPER

“GOD MOVES I N A MY S T E R I O U S WAY ”