Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Meaning described

The previous post is a painting I did tonight expressing a lot of emotion from the loss of our baby.  To the best of my ability, I'll explain what it means.  You may want to take a look at it before reading on. There will be some things that I just can't explain and may not have even discovered yet that are expressed in the painting/drawing.  After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.

Title: Jan. 25, 2010.  I'll never forget this date.  It is the day that I thought I would hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time, but instead discovered that it had no heartbeat.  As much as I will remember my living son's birthday, I'll remember this day as the day I lost my baby.

Orange/red violent looking sky.  Many times I have gazed into the sky for peace and freedom from all that is going on in my life.  The vastness of the sky usually brings great awe and wonder of the mercy and grace of God and of His creative handiwork.  However, when I looked to the sky recently, I was flooded with turmoil and questions.  Instead of peace and freedom, there was anger and lonliness and tension.

Middle ground/ Ocean scape.  Represents the tears that I've cried.  in the picture it is up to my neck, signifying being close to drowning in my tears.

Figure.  Hands over womb.  The bonding I have had with my baby has been mostly of hopes and dreams for the future.  But I also would love to hold my belly and think about how big the baby was. I would read week by week the development and what was new with my baby.  A strong bond was being formed.

Little Heart-  my baby. It is black to represent that there is no life.  My baby has died.

Big Heart.  My heart.  It is half black and half red symbolizing that a part of me has also been lost with the passing of my baby.

Tears, streaming and flooding the ground.  Sadness and pain (a lot)  The puddle on the ground is flowing in little streams to the bigger body of water, signifying that the vast body of water is from the tears that I've cried.


My Life as a Mom said...

I'm so glad you got a chance to paint and process your feelings on canvas. Thanks so much for opening yourself up and sharing yourself.

Lisa T said...

Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. It is a life giving blessing.

april j said...

you honor God with your honesty and your trust in him despite not understanding. how is he able to turn your grief into beauty and healing? i don't know, but i know he is doing it. may you have the chance to see the fruit of the seeds he is now sowing in your life amid this pain.

Lisa T said...

Thank you, apes, for sharing in this and for the encouragement you bring.

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