Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mixed Bag.

I'm kind of to the point that I am tired of writing about myself and all this stuff.  But here goes.  I've been  a mixed bag lately.  The good point of that is that I have had some very happy times.  The not so good part is that I can go from happy to not happy in a split second time.  Church was great today.  For the first time, I was not overwhelmed and could actually talk to people. All was going well this afternoon.  It was a true blessing.

Then Adam left and a cloud of despair rolled in.  Last Sunday, I had the same feeling.  It is an overwhelming feeling of everything looking impossible and of me not knowing how in the world I will make it through the week.  It is full blown loneliness, sadness, and vulnerability, all with a little "I feel crazy" mixed right in.  That is how I feel as I type this.

Now, I know God's Word.  I KNOW that He is the one that will get me through this week.  SO I do want for my faith to be stronger,  that I will walk in what I know and not in what I feel.  This seems impossible at the moment.  There is such a disconnect between my heart and my mind at times like these.

So I am praying.  In the hardest times of my life Isaiah 40 has always been a source of strength for me.  I love the whole chapter, but here are a few verses:

"27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
'My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God'?
28 Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint."

2 comments:

My Life as a Mom said...

Don't beat yourself up too much. Even when you don't realize it, God is carrying you through this difficult time and when you get to the other side, your strength will be renewed, your faith strong, and you will be testimony to others of God's work.
Praying for you!

Lisa T said...

Thanks. In spite of it all, I do see progress.

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