Monday, February 22, 2010
We all know the saying, "No Pain, No Gain." I have always known this to relate to sports and training, but turns out it relates to other areas of life as well. Everything that I have read or heard in dealing with grief has encouraged me to feel freely what I feel. Let the hurt come and be resolved. Just as muscles are sore with intense physical training, the heart is sore with emotional and spiritual work through grief. Just as an athlete becomes stronger through and past the pain. Faith and the heart will be stronger through and past the pain.
I am reading, "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" by Deborah L. Davis. It has helped a lot. It really doesn't make me feel any better (to bad, huh), but it does give me situations and people to identify with. Also, when I am feeling a certain way, whether it be sad, angry, despair, crazy, I know that it is normal and I try to let the emotion run it's course.
I think one of the biggest things I am learning from the book and from those I've talked with who have experienced miscarriage is that the sadness never goes away. In all that I've ever gone through, I have always run from the pain and just wanted to feel better. I am starting to understand to let the pain be what it is. But, I've heard the pain does get smaller, like a small sliver here and there, just as intense, but less frequent.
In addition, I am learning that while grieving it is also okay to be happy. I don't want to get so down in the dumps that when the happy times come, I deny them. It is important to experience the lighter times and they are a great relief from the pain when they come.
I'm thankful for the book and other resources, but mostly I'm thankful for my friends. For the ones who have been where I am and have shared the hope they know. And for the ones who have not been in this specific spot, but know pain and share love to support me during this time.
Thanks to those of you who follow all of this. The burden feels lighter as many of you encourage me through it all. I know that it is tough stuff recently. In spite of all that I am posting and feeling, I do know there is progress. It is very encouraging to know that this is all going somewhere.
I hope that these posts and art can be used in some way to encourage others who are experiencing or have experienced similar suffering.