Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I carried you for such a short time. I wanted you for so much longer before that. My love for you is so great. When I found out that I was pregnant, my heart was overjoyed. I couldn't help but tell everyone that you were coming and that Andrew was a big brother. I actually talked about it to him most. I wanted him to be ready and to be excited for your arrival. I would tell him that he was the big brother now and that Mommy's heart was so big that it would be full of love for you and him both, and in fact it is. I would tell him that there was a baby in Mommy's tummy and he would give you a kiss. He would pat on my belly and say, "Baby." I miss that.
During your time here I would read every week to see how big you were getting and how you were developing each day. Then Daddy and I would talk in amazement at how God was developing you within me. I would rub my tummy as I dreamed of you. Your life within me was a gift and testimony of God's grace. I also craved Mexican food, so your Daddy, Andrew, and I had it quite frequently.
Though I don't know why, I know that you are Home with our Abba. I am glad for you that you will never shed a tear or know the pain that we experience here. However, I miss you and wish that I could walk through life with you. I can't wait to see you and I know that from your perspective that is very soon. With God a day is like a thousand years.
Your Daddy and me chose to name you Ashlynn Haven, because Ashlynn means "dream" or "vision" and Haven means "safe place" or "sanctuary". I will often think about what life would be like if you were here with us. Even more I will dream of the time when I will be Home with you for eternity with our Abba Father.
I love you,